Tag Archives: longevity

Counter Clockwise: My Year of Hypnosis, Hormones, Dark Chocolate, and Other Adventures in the World of Anti-Aging

Have you ever found yourself glued to television infomercials that promise miracle fat fighting after 40, P90X abs or creams that make you look better at 48 than you did at 28 and wondered, “Should I buy it?” You might want to stop at the bookstore first.

Counter ClockwiseJournalist Lauren Kessler took a yearlong journey, making herself a guinea pig to all those claims. Her book Counter Clockwise: My Year of Hypnosis, Hormones, Dark Chocolate and Other Adventures in the World of Anti-Aging attempts to shine a light on the anti-aging movement and the billion-dollar industry that it feeds, stripping away fiction from fact and interviewing experts in every field.

She laughs a lot at herself and dares to ask the hard questions we’re afraid to ask — in an attempt to prolong our years and make them healthy and vital.

She started by getting a thorough examination to determine her biological age, testing the function of her heart, lungs, arteries, etc., at some of the most cutting-edge labs where elite athletes and scientists collide to uncover what makes those bodies tick. At year’s end, she had more testing, to see if she had turned back the clock and by how much.

Continue reading Counter Clockwise: My Year of Hypnosis, Hormones, Dark Chocolate, and Other Adventures in the World of Anti-Aging

The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever

There is a program being sold online that claims to teach you 5 Ancient Tibetan Yoga moves that will vastly improve your health. Okay, nothing too surprising there.

If you read that book you will discover that the 5 Yoga moves are “borrowed” from a much older book first published in 1939 called “Ancient Secrets of the Fountain of Youth” by Peter Kelder. Here is a short blurb from the book description to give you a taste of what we are up against.


Legend has it that hidden in the remote reaches of the Himalayan mountains lies a secret that would have saved Ponce de Leon from years of fruitless searching. There, generations of Tibetan monks have passed down a series of exercises with mystical, age-reversing properties. Known as the Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation or the Five Rites, these once-secret exercises are now available to Westerners in Ancient Secret of the Fountain Of Youth. Peter Kelder’s book begins with an account of his own introduction to the rites by way of Colonel Bradford, a mysterious retired British army officer who learned of the rites while journeying high up in the Himalayas.

 I suppose in the 1930s these 5 yoga poses must have seemed wildly exotic to a bunch of British soldiers, but in today’s day and age I’m not sure we can assume that 5 yoga moves will make you live any longer than average.
But anyway, that’s not the point… let’s get to the good stuff.

How to Live Forever

It turns out the the Tibetan Yogis taught the British Colonel a secret method that any man (not sure if this will work for women… sorry ladies) can use to not just live longer, but, literally, live FOREVER!

And the secret is this:

Do Not Ejaculate.

Ever.
You see, whenever a man ejaculates he loses a bit of his life force. Ejaculate regularly and you will die at a normal age like any regular dude who loves sex and masturbation.

But practice abstinence — not just from sex but from all ejaculation — and you will become immortal.

Sounds cool. But who the fuck wants to live without ever ejaculating? Not me… that’s for sure. And that’s why I call this “The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever.”

Good luck guys… and please let me know how it goes.